Thursday, February 27, 2014

6 months and counting

It has been almost six months.  6 months months of learning, grieving, laughing, and plain old not understanding.  These two kiddos have been through a lot.  I feel like I'm barely beginning to understand.  As a mom, I feel rage sometimes.  A rage that wants to protect, heal, and shelter.  I would do anything to keep these "babies" safe.  Give them everything to make sure their future has no limits. But I can't.  Or at least I feel like I can't.  These past 6 months we have dreamed with them.  We have showed them.  We have learned with them.  There's so many things you want to cram in.  It's like taking a normal 18 years of impact you have (ideally) in your child's life, and cramming it into 6.  How do you encourage a little boy that you can't be a cheetah when you grow up, but you CAN be someone who inspires people to over come obstacles, no matter how big or small.  How do you tell a little girl that she doesn't just have to end up working at a fast food joint, that there are little babies that need to be held and taken care of and that she would be a perfect nurse for those babies?  How do you teach them everything you know about God, with hopes that it will stay with them for the rest of their lives?  How do you love them passionately, only knowing that the chapter that you share together, is soon drawing to an end?  How can I continue to want to make a difference, when all I see is defeat and hopelessness in the end?  With just one hug.  That's how.  Or the "I love you Chrissy."  Or the sweet kiss on the cheek.  Or the giggle from a tickle erasing the pained expression of grief.  I know I have made a difference in their lives.  I know our family will always be in their heart, even if someday they may forget.  Who knows, maybe the battle of eating healthy food will pay off someday.  Maybe when they sit down with their family to eat, they will hold hands and pray, giving thanks, just like we do.  Our time together has not ended yet.  I am very thankful to have them for a few more months.  These kids are magical.  They are naughty.  They are silly.  They are just plain wonderful.

I know I can't control their lives, or their futures.  But, I'm so thankful for a God that can continue to be with these kids, long after they are out from under our roof.   I'm thankful that he gives me patients, and love, even when I'm convinced that there isn't any left.  

Here's to our first 6 months as a family of 5.  Although it's not forever, it will forever be apart of us.