It was quiet time. Miss B was reading books to herself on the couch across the room, while I was doing some work on the computer. I checked my email as I usually do, only to delete junk...but noticed one from our case manager. I opened it only to see CONGRATULATIONS on it. When I read those words my heart leaped. I immediately started to cry. Ugly cry. Poor B thought I was hurt and came over and asked "Mommy ok? Mommy hurt?" I told her that I was happy. Poor thing probably thought I was loosing it.
After 6 months of paperwork, meetings, appointments and evaluations WE ARE DONE! I realize that this is really just the beginning. We've been setting the stage, a prelude if you will, to a new grand adventure. My emotions have been wild at times. I love the 3 of us. I love just having my "baby." I love the simplicity that I've come to know with the love that surrounds me everyday. Then I watch my daughter. She has such a loving and caring soul. She is meant to be a sister...whether if it's for forever, or just a few days. She will be awesome.
Then there's my husband. I've never known a man to love as much and as deeply as he does. He takes time. He encourages, challenges and brings so much laughter into our home. Between him and Miss B there is never a dull moment. They constantly are laughing and playing with each other, and scheming what to do next.
I don't know if you can ever be fully ready for this next step...but I feel that we are close. As close as we can be.
Trying to prepare for a foster child is difficult. You have no idea what age you might be placed with, gender, background, preferences, routines...nothing. Although we decided to only take in newborns-4 yrs, that age range is huge as far as levels go. Thankfully we are pretty set for those ages from Miss B still. I know when we get our first placement we will be scrambling to come up with last minute things. It's expected. We are prepared for that.
Until that time we wait. Prepare. Pray. It breaks my heart to think of the reasons why a child will be placed with us. It's become even more real these last few days. I eagerly await a phone call...but am thankful that we haven't received one at the same time. There will be brokenness. I will not fully understand, nor will I ever. We will be there to weep along side, pick up shattered pieces with and [hopefully] find the beauty in life again.
For now I will enjoy just us. While we're ready to open our arms, we're not afraid of being patient.
Until then I will enjoy the fact that I have energy to stay up late folding laundry and browsing brilliant ideas on Pinterest. I will enjoy sleeping full nights, waking up feeling rested, and knowing that my day will be pretty predictable. I will enjoy the sound of my snoring husband and funky smells coming from my dog...oh wait. Scratch that. She's out of here.
Until next time...
Grace & Peace
